Net Neutrality!!

"Casting Couch" it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_31dec09.aspx

PS. Kate Bosworth isn’t part of this Casting Couch. Also not Sienna Miller. Or Nicole Kidman. Are you kidding? She’s, like, BFFs with Rupert Murdoch. Strike out Evan Rachel Wood too. And Michelle Pfeiffer and David E Kelley and Annalynne McCord. Please. In her dreams.

Thursday, December 31, 2009
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"Casting Couch," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_30dec09.aspx

PS. Casting Couch is not about Kate Beckinsale. Also not Jennifer Garner, Ben Affleck and Anna Paquin.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009
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"Casting Couch" clue 3

On the cover of Vanity Fair's "Hollywood Issue" in the spring of 1998.



On the cover of the September 1998 issue a few months later.


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http://www.laineygossip.com/Harvey_Weinstein_and_Georgina_Chapman_at_amfAR_gala.aspx

It"s a mystery, the two of them together: Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman. Seeing them in person though, it makes a little more sense. She doesn"t seem terribly...quick...you know what I mean?

He arrived more underdressed than any other man at the event. Cheap looking shoes and a suit with what looked like cheese stains on it. I suppose that"s his right when his company is one of the main sponsors.

Kept saying to his friends that he was ready to have a good time because his week had been hellish. Try breaking an arm you slimef*ck.

His wife meanwhile has the air of Sarah Larson about her. Only much more subservient. She"s meek, she slouches, seems uncomfortable, and was wearing one of her own designs that looked like it was falling apart.

Marchesa up close is the budget. It was black and strapless and embroidered with gold leafing that was coming off in some spots - like at the back by the waist. Either that or it needed to be ironed. Whatever the case, it certainly wasn"t couture.

There were a lot of kept women on the carpet last night. She fit right in.

Friday, May 23, 2008 at 5:36 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Harvey_Weinstein_sets_his_sights_on_Blake_Lively_after_dinner_with_Penn_Badgley_at_the_Waverly.aspx

Harvey’s next

Every couple of years or so, Harvey likes to pick a young actress, turn her into a star. Or try to at least. It happened with my Gwyneth. The Alba Bitch had her chance, Anne Hathaway too, now it looks like Blake Lively has caught Harvey’s eye. A deal with the devil, you could say. Curious to see then if Blake shows up in Marchesa on carpet after carpet. It’s so obvious.

Anyway, boring Blake and her boyfriend Penn Badgley were spotted leaving the Waverly Inn with Weinstein a few nights ago. Last night it was on to Letterman. She arrived casual in a trench, left in a hot pink/purple one shoulder showing off those impossibly long legs. And still… even in a dress like this, Blake Lively puts me to sleep.

She’s no Blair Waldorf.

Scenes from the next Gossip Girl? Delicious.



Wednesday, March 25, 2009 at 7:28 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Casting_Couch_blind_item.aspx

It was mystifying several years ago why she was hyped the way she was hyped. Just another starlet with no real significant starring vehicles somehow ending up with a prestigious magazine cover proclaiming her as the next It. Well It never happened. And after all this time and a string of failures, she’s been trying to change the course. So she’s gone back to the major player who tried to make it happen for her the first time. There was an arrangement back then – her sexual services for his professional services – and apparently the same arrangement was resurrected recently in the hopes that she’ll finally confirm a juicy role to kickstart a stagnant career.

Never mind that he’s married. His wife benefits handsomely from his generosity and while he may not fulfill her with fidelity, he certainly makes up for it through client exchange. Probably better that way. And given what he looks like, it totally makes sense. But he is a legend in the business both for his accomplishments and for the way he leads these ladies to their accomplishments, counting a couple of award winners and a few box office heavyweights on his resumé…which is why he quickly tired of our poor girl and discarded her.

But not before drying her out. One day late summer, they were joined in a hotel suite by a third gentleman (identity insignificant), both of them enjoying her as she allowed herself to be taken, and, um, decorated appropriately, all for a reward at the end of the session – the privilege of simply looking at a script, no promise, no confirmation…just an advance read. And a suggestion to show up at a premiere for a few introductions. She is so desperate, it’s been so meagre, she submitted to the humiliation although gamely seems to have enjoyed it. An actor after all, obviously able to shut out her husband and child waiting for her back at home.

And then he just cut it off. Told her he could no longer help her. That her body in his bed was no longer required. Which of course only added to her degradation. She tried and tried to offer up more, willing to engage in further depravity, but was only met with rejection. Because he’s moved on. He’s hunting his next target. A young, nubile, blonde babe with a large profile and a perky rack who so far has been able to resist his advances but is trying to graduate from supporting roles in film, as the fact that she’s a headliner on the small screen has not helped with the quality of scripts she’s being offered, or with many of her auditions so far. She’s currently waiting on a big break and he’s trying to make sure it doesn’t happen, so that in her disappointment, she’ll come running to him, ready to wheel and deal.

Note: there are 4 famous names at play – the reject, the replacement, the power player, and his wife.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009 at 7:32 AM

Update (11/21/11):
clue 1
clue 2
clue 3
denial 1: Kate Beckinsale, Jennifer Garner, Ben Affleck, Anna Paquin
denial 2: Kate Bosworth, Sienna Miller, Nicole Kidman, Evan Rachel Wood, Michelle Pfeiffer, David E Kelley, Annalynne McCord
denial 3: Ali Larter, Monica Potter, Woody Allen
denial 4: Katie Holmes, Woody Allen
denial 5: Amanda Peet, Jerry Bruckheimer, Jamie Pressley
"the replacement" reveal 1
"the replacement" reveal 2
reveal #2 (power player & wife)





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"No one will tell him he sucks," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_23dec09.aspx

He sucks is not Robert Pattinson but that’s totally my favourite guess. WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!!!!!!!! He’s suuuuuuuch a good actor!!!!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009
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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_23dec09.aspx

PS. Tranny Ego Blow is not Eminem.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009
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"Tranny Ego Blow" clue?

http://www.laineygossip.com/John_Mayer_denies_relationship_with_Kristin_Cavallari_on_his_Twitter.aspx

She’s not high fiving his penis

What would it be like without John Mayer?

I’ll never stop slagging him but I also don’t want him to stop asking to be slagged.

So there was a story circulating yesterday that John Mayer has been secretly urinating on Kristin Cavallari from Laguna Beach/The Hills – click here for more.

As you know, John loves it when we talk about him. And he loves it even more that he has an opportunity to talk about himself.

Of course he took to his Twitter http://twitter.com/johncmayer immediately to address the rumour.

How do I put this like a gentleman...I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis.


If he had stopped there, it would have been funny. But you know John. He kept going…

I'm sure she's a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together.


My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli.


I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.


Then, becoming increasingly turned on, he promptly jerked himself off to one of his new songs.

This is Kristin yesterday loving the spotlight. She probably circulated the story herself.

And John a few days ago leaving Katsuya.

Thursday, September 10, 2009 at 8:02 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Tranny_Ego_Blow_blind_item.aspx

Not 50 Cent. Not Justin Timberlake. Not Josh Groban.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 at 9:11 AM


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http://www.laineygossip.com/Tranny_Ego_Blow_blind_item.aspx

I’ve been saving up. There’s an even smuttier one to come later. But it’s almost Christmas. Christmas is about gossip gifts. This one is NOT FOR PRUDES.

He was working out one day at the gym and a well known tranny caught his eye. So he gave her the signal and they ended up in the bathroom where he told her it wasn’t the first time he’d been with a tranny and then she blew him and the entire time it was all cocktalk as he kept asking her “Do you know whose dick you’re sucking…?” like she was supposed to be honoured by his penis in her mouth. With him, it’s always about ego. Even when he’s being serviced, he still needs affirmation for his ego. Hilariously though, at the time, she had no clue she was helping herself to an award winning artist.

Not 50 Cent. Not Justin Timberlake. Not Josh Groban.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 at 9:11 AM

Update (10/13/10):
denial 1: 50 Cent, Justin Timberlake & Josh Groban
clue?
denial 2: Eminem
denial 3: David Foster




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"No one will tell him he sucks" clue

http://www.laineygossip.com/Justin_Timberlake_John_Krasinski_Diane_Kruger_to_announce_Golden_Globe_nominations.aspx

Please don’t encourage him

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association. They are feeding Pippy’s ego and worse, they are giving him encouragement to keep acting.

If you’ve ever seen him in a movie, from Alpha Dog to Edison to Black Snake Moan to The Love Guru, well you know. You know that encouraging him to keep acting is a disservice to the world.

But Justin Timberlake wants to conquer it. He is focusing all his energy on it. He has put music aside for it. And now the HPFA has invited him to announce the Golden Globe nominations on Tuesday alongside real actors John Krasinski and Diane Kruger.

…the f-ck?

Pip’s inclusion is even more ludicrous than Jessica Biel’s a few years ago. But he’ll take it as a sign that he should keep trying. We are the ones who will suffer.

By the way…what’s Shelfy doing? Well JT will almost certainly be invited to attend the Globe ceremony. She’s now begging to tag along with him.

Friday, December 11, 2009 at 7:59 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/No_one_will_tell_him_he_sucks_blind_item.aspx

There’s a dirtier riddle coming later in the week but here’s an easy quickie for now

He wants this so badly, to be taken seriously as an actor. But on the set of his new movie, everyone is baffled. By how terrible he is. Like laughably terrible. The worst timing, the most awkward line reads, cheesy expressions… at this point it’s become a fun work-time activity: watch him get through a scene, feel the fontrum for him while he sucks it so hard so obliviously, giggle your tits off later because he walks around thinking he is the sweetest sh-t ever.

There’s an ego involved, of course, and he actually thinks he’s doing a good job, that he is gifted in this discipline too. Please. He is not gifted. And his lack of gifts in this respect could cost the entire production. The weakest link drags it all down. Which is why people are mystified that the director has not bothered to fix it. Like suggesting more classes, like pushing his coach, like replacing him with someone who can actually do it? None of the above. Word is, he’ll make the corrections in post by greatly reducing the role. Unless there’s a miracle and suddenly Cate Blanchett comes out of his ass to save the day. Not likely.

Monday, December 21, 2009 at 6:51 AM

Update (01/05/10):
clue
denial: Robert Pattinson
reveal


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"Holiday Riddle" #2 clue

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b72973_hugh_jackmans_strange_setup.html

Hugh Jackman's Strange Setup
Fri., Dec. 12, 2008 10:32 AM PST by TED CASABLANCA



What the ef's up with Hugh Jackman, his wife, Deborra-Lee Furness, and Hugh's always-around biz, partner, John Palermo? Jeez, folks are talking!

But first, a little background: H.J. recently gave an interview to People in which Jackman himself brought up the "gay, gay and gay" rumors, only to shoot them right back down, saying he's straight. And then, buried in some inedible copy about Jackman's diet (fish, salad, protein shakes), was the most delicious little morsel: Jackman explained to the People reporter the origin of the band he wears opposite his wife's wedding band: "It was given to me by John when we started our production company," revealed H.J. "In Sanskrit is written the basic principles of our company."

In Sanskrit, no less. Very clubby. Very inside. Very mysterious.

And since John's gone from being Bryan Singer's assistant on X-Men to Hugh's publicist to living partner (they all live on the same grounds at some of their internationally located homes) to producing partner, and since they always go out together, I asked around.

Here's what some of H.J.'s buds said:

"Uh, can't the public see that has to be one of the closest business relationships in the world?" asked a biz pal to Jackman. "I mean, John sits right next to him and Deborra on the other side for every awards ceremony. She's years his senior, they have two adopted children, he lived in a bungalow on their property in L.A. There's nothing ordinary about that troupe."

True enough. But one of Jackman's close Australian buds tells me that any weirdness is with John alone:

"Deb has the same ring, it's to commemorate Seed Productions—not his love for Palermo, who I must say is looking more and more bizarre these days. He was in full makeup the other night!"

Another close bud to Jackman simply says: "I don't know what the hell's going on with Hugh. He's his own man, that's for sure."

Which is why we love him, right? And after all, if Angie Jolie can screw with the lot of us as to what's really cookin' down below for her (despite this current clan of all things Pitt), why the hell can't Hugh?

I just can't believe more people aren't talking about it. Probably because Hugh, who I've met socially but never interviewed, couldn't have been more the charmer. He knows how to work it.

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Alex_Rodriguez_tries_to_make_it_seem_like_he_broke_up_with_Kate_Hudson.aspx

Sit DOWN Centaur

Please. These ‘roidy motherf-ckers and their massive egos. First reaction when the ego takes a bruising is to call up the boys and pull their dicks out in retaliation. Who else but Alex Rodriguez?

He and Manslinger Kate Hudson are no longer together. You’ve seen Kate in action. Through Owen Wilson, through Justin Timberlake, through Lance Armstrong, through Adam Scott… Kate doesn’t look back, and she most certainly doesn’t cling.

Now that it’s over though, nursing a bruised ego, ARod needs to make you think that he was the one who walked. Which is why his friends are talking to the tabloids, trying to spin the split like it was HIS decision. According to US Weekly, a source close to ARod reveals that:

"Kate seemed compelled to track and follow his every move. He's just coming off of a 13-year relationship with his ex-wife and a recent divorce. He has two lovely children with his ex-wife, and that requires a certain amount of responsibility. She gave him ultimatums that a newly divorced father can't meet."

Nice and sexist, non? Every time a relationship doesn’t work out it’s because the bitch wants more, more, more.

This is not Kate Hudson. Trust.

Still, ARod has face to save. And he also must placate the Yankee fans who want an explanation about why their good luck charm is no longer around. Get ready for it:

Apparently ARod was tired of Kate’s attention whoring. She wanted to be in the spotlight all the time.

"It was a turnoff to have a girlfriend who always wanted to be on camera. Alex wanted someone who was more interested in building a long-term relationship than just building their profile."

Alex Rodriguez wanted privacy and less attention…what? So he didn’t know Kate Hudson was a movie star before he started sleeping with her? He’d never heard of her? This is the same ARod who dated Madonna? How do you date f-cking Madonna and want to be low key?

F-cking dumbass obviously doesn’t know how to lie. Because this is some of the worst bullsh-t EVER.

Looks like ARod’s douche is back. It took a break for a while but you can’t hold it down forever.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009 at 2:03 PM

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Holiday_Riddles_blind_items_17dec09.aspx

There’s a juicy one coming next week but chew on this for now? Please don’t be mad at me for enjoying New York too much.

Which recently singled douchebag’s publicist has been calling every tabloid begging them to print his version of the breakup in order to protect his ego? The rep has been desperately trying to play competing publications against each other to make sure his client comes out of it with his penis size preserved which only reinforces the widely held belief that his client is a giant prick – in personality, and not necessarily in his pants.

Everyone knows about this delightful action star’s relationship with the head of his company and that his wife isn’t really his lover. But the boyfriend is jealous and overprotective and now his hiring practices are raising some eyebrows. He will not hire anyone prettier/hunkier/more stylish than he is for fear of tempting his famous partner.

Thursday, December 17, 2009 at 12:13 PM

Update (12/17/09):
Riddle #1 clue

Riddle #2 clue
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"Chocolate" reveal #4

http://www.laineygossip.com/George_Clooney_and_Elisabetta_Canalis_holiday_in_Mexico_with_Cindy_Crawford_and_Rande_Gerber.aspx

Their physical similarities have already been noted. Their men are BFFs. So it was a cozy weekend in Mexico for Cindy Crawford and Elisabetta Canalis, also known as the Italian Queen, or George Clooney’s new piece, who showed off her killer body, not unlike Cindy’s killer body, while on holiday at George’s new Mexican home, recently completed.

Weird or not weird?

Whatever. When it comes to George, nothing is weird. He likes it flavoured, he likes it numbered, and if he likes it shared, and everyone else likes to share too, then let him have his fun. It really is a charmed life. Doesn’t get much better than George Clooney’s life.

Monday, November 30, 2009 at 7:30 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Julia_and_Emma_Roberts_at_LAByrinth_Theatre_Company_event_in_New_York.aspx

Aunt and niece Julia Roberts and Emma Roberts were both at the LAByrinth Theatre Company 6th annual benefit at St Paul the Apostle Church last night in New York. Emma’s been a fixture on the red carpet circuit recently, seen at several high profile events in the city and also at the festivities afterwards where they say she can party with the best although with Julia around it was perhaps a quieter evening for her on this occasion. Before becoming Earth Mother spewing sanctimony, Julia was once a Hollywood wild child, remember? Breakdowns, runaway brides, drama, divorce, oh she knows about being young in Hollywood. Hopefully she’s sharing her wisdom.

Julia has just come off a couple months of travel while shooting Eat, Pray, Love. She has the most beautiful skin. After all these years, I still can’t get enough of her face. That’s the thing about a true Movie Star. It’s an eternal face.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009 at 8:49 AM
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"Chocolate" reveal #3

http://www.laineygossip.com/George_Clooney_with_Elisabetta_Canalis_as_Italian_tabloids_suggest_she_is_cheating_on_him_with_Clare.aspx

George Clooney took Elisabetta Canalis out for sushi yesterday – photos are below. The Italian Queen is still very much a part of Clooney’s life even though Italian tabloids are reporting that she stepped out on George recently with Clarence Seedorf, a soccer player. Thanks to Giulietta for sending along the link. Apparently Elisabetta was flirting heavily with Seerdorf and Italian gossips are suggesting she may have f-cked him in the hotel.

The article is amazingly funny after translation. They write with such cheese flair and lack of political correctness, so blatantly and yet (for them) so obliviously offensive it’s actually kind of hilarious. My friend LB who is Italian translated for me. I have not edited her comments which are bracketed because they cracked me up:

When George is away Elisabetta dances. From one moment to the next, everyone expects pictures of George in the company of another beautiful girl. Instead, no. The one to be papped in the company of another is actually she - the beautiful Canalis. The other in question is Clarence Seedorf, of Milan (soccer) and former teammate of Elisabetta's ex, Vieri. [she dated Vieri? lucky bitch]. The couple, black and white as is all the rage [WTF? italians are so un p.c.] was papped by Novella 2000 and in the photo in question they can be seen in intimate poses, exchanging kisses and tendernesses. [whatever - you know what i mean]. The encounter took place in London where she remained with her assistant for fashion-related work after Clooney's Up in the Air presentation. The two met at a luxurious London hotel while George was back across the ocean.


So is Elisabetta cheating on George?

Please.

She is many things, but she is not stupid. The others before her? The Sarah Larsons of the world? They were stupid. You don’t get to where Canalis has gotten by being stupid. So it’s doubtful that she’s being unfaithful. Is your smutty sense tingling? Because mine is. Who’s to say she’s not sharing Seerdorf’s friendship with George? Perhaps he’s a wonderful conversationalist. Maybe they have the same preferences. This is how she keeps it interesting, see?

Click here to see photos of Elisabetta’s allegedly romantic evening with Clarence Seerdorf.

Thursday, November 26, 2009 at 7:46 AM
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"They all fall down," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_24nov09.aspx

PS. They All Fall Down is not Rumer Willis.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009
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"They all fall down," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_23nov09_and_Coopers_Camera_giveaway.aspx

PS. They All Fall Down is not Dakota Fanning.

Monday, November 23, 2009
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"They all fall down," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/They_all_fall_down_blind_item.aspx

Not Miley Cyrus or Taylor Momsen.

Friday, November 20, 2009 at 7:41 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/They_all_fall_down_blind_item.aspx

Very promising, very young, very well connected star was completely smashed at an afterparty recently, stumbling, mumbling, a total embarrassment, and not quite legal. She doesn’t eat, she’s drinking heavily, she’s experimenting with some other substances, she’s practically living with her boyfriend, and there is rarely an adult around to supervise.

Many thought she had passed the danger stage and she’s so promising, especially with her pedigree, that they’ll lie and hide and camouflage when she f-cks up, hoping that the phase will pass. But drama runs in the family, they should watch this one closely before she goes the way of the Lohan. Because people are talking and these people are accustomed to seeing young girls get f-cked up all the time. She’s going so hardcore though that she’s getting their attention.

Friday, November 20, 2009 at 7:41 AM

Update (5/31/10):
denial 1: Miley Cyrus & Taylor Momsen
denial 2: Dakota Fanning
denial 3: Rumer Willis
reveal 1
reveal 2


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"Sex & drink" reveal

http://www.laineygossip.com/November_5_2009__Smutty_ShoutOuts.aspx

To Todd & Tina, husband and wife gossips – thank you so much, it’s an honour. As for retiring…I’ll still be gossiping as an old hag, promise. By then, perhaps, I can enlighten you about Sex & Drink. But for now, all I can tell you is to focus on the mouth.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

http://www.laineygossip.com/Miley_Cyrus_and_her_beat_me_out_low_classy_on_Ellen.aspx


Low classy Beat-Me Mouth


JailBait Miley Cyrus appeared on Ellen this week to promote Bolt and made everyone hate her even more.

See clip below.

I know. You want to slap her in the beat-me mouth, don’t you? That voice, that cackle – how many cigarettes do you have to mainline to achieve that cackle? And the low classy chair fidgeting. My mother would have twisted me by the ear and dragged me down to the stinky vegetable market to mix with the villagers if I low classy chair fidgeted like that on national television.

She has a thing, my mother, about body twitches. Like when you see someone seated at a restaurant, and they’re bouncing one leg up and down under the table? It’s the worst habit ever.

According to my mother, it’s also a sign of poor breeding. She’s been known to request a different seating arrangement if someone next to her starts bouncing their legs. And once, particularly offended by a particularly offensive leg bouncer, she actually hissed “Cha!” into his ear as she swept by on her way to the loo, claiming she had sneezed.

Never mind that she eats with her mouth open.

It all goes back to the old days. Picture a narrow street in Hong Hong at night, the sewers are stinky, the people are stinky, and the triads are running the show. And a group of punk ass gang members holds court at a sidewalk noodle shop, all wearing beater tanks, their underarm hair poking out like black insect legs, a cigarette or a toothpick out the side of their mouths, legs spread open and one hand braced on one knee bouncing up and down kissing their teeth and hurling obscenities at the ladies walking by…

THAT is Miley Cyrus.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008 at 1:14 PM
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"Sex & drink," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_04nov09.aspx

PS. The reference to a “billion dollar brand” was not ironic. Sex & Drink is not Ali Lohan. Heh.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009
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"Rough patch, happy ending" reveal

http://www.laineygossip.com/Star_Magazine_reports_that_Chris_Martin_cheats_on_Gwyneth_Paltrow_with_Kate_Bosworth.aspx

Gwyneth humiliated

Star Magazine is definitely not the most trustworthy source. Most of it is bullsh-t. But this is a story that cannot be ignored. The new issue of Star Magazine includes an explosive allegation – Chris Martin cheated on Gwyneth Paltrow with Kate Bosworth. Yes. Her again.

Ordinarily, considering it’s Star, the immediate reaction is to dismiss. But here’s why this report might be different. Because several magazines were investigating it a few days ago. I received calls about it on Saturday from other magazines. Chris and Kate were supposedly kissing in the open at a U2 show in Vegas two weeks ago in plain view. Which means that there was more than one witness. And each witness went to a tabloid. And each tabloid was scrambling to source it. And Star Magazine beat everyone else to the punch.Because their fact checkers are faster? Heh. Needless to say, reps for all three have issued denials. Because reps NEVER EVER lie.

The new issue of Star Magazine hits stands tomorrow. etalk has a special preview tonight. So should we believe it?

Well…

There's precedent. I’ve been telling you about Kate Bosworth. My sources told me she allegedly pursued Jim Sturgess relentlessly during 21 without respecting the fact that he had a girlfriend. She did the same recently with Alexander Skarsgard and Evan Rachel Wood. She does not seem to care. If she wants it, she goes for it. Must be a food deficiency. And of course whatever “happy” makes her happy.

As for Chris Martin… if you’ve been reading this site long enough, you already know about those old rumours. London was buzzing about something with a civilian nearly two years ago and more recently, Chris and Gwyneth hit a rough patch like this before that resulted in a positive resolution. But those were kept undercover. They were not blown out publicly with G plastered all over the papers, embarrassingly portrayed as the jilted, homely wife betrayed for a younger version of herself.

How utterly…common.

And that’s the humiliation, isn’t it? Not only is her husband cheating, but now it’s become supermarket material. Gwyneth’s face alongside Jon & Kate plus 8. In her circle, this s the ultimate insult.

And you hate her so much, you’ll probably say she deserves it. Yeah, Gwyneth deserves a lot of snark, she deserves your derision a lot of the time too. But she doesn’t deserve a prick ass husband and a skank crank hag who always hankers for what doesn’t belong to her.

Watch etalk tonight for more details on what Kate and Chris were doing and how flagrantly they behaved afterwards.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009 at 8:12 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_03nov09.aspx

PS. Sex & Drink is not Taylor Swift.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009
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"Sex & drink" clue 2

http://www.laineygossip.com/gossip.aspx

From Lainey's "Gossip Guide"
JailBait Miley Cyrus

The Mouse churns out virgins pimped out by their parents claiming to be eternal virgins in love with the Lord. Yay for child stardom!

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http://www.laineygossip.com/Miley_Cyrus_hacked_revealing_racy_photos_she_sent_to_a_Jonas_Brother.aspx

Jailbait gets hacked

Another round of Miley Cyrus “scandal” shots – scandalous for Disney, that is, but totally normal for any sex-obsessed, boy crazed 16 year old. The only difference is that THIS 16 year old has become a brand. A projected billion dollar brand.

Once upon a time, teenagers were simply entertainers, which was bad enough. Nowadays it’s not enough. Nowadays teenagers become corporations. It’s called selling jailbait, the product of parental pimps, greedy as f&ck, getting into bed with media conglomerates turning adolescence into a marketing strategy.

So here’s Miley, taking innocently provocative photos of herself – photos that were supposedly sent to one of the Jonas Brothers. Apparently someone hacked into her email, leaking these shots with the promise of more (and worse) to come.

The most offensive thing about these shots is that mouth. She thinks that mouth is the sh*t. She thinks that pout is the badass.

Jailbait... please!

Needless to say, Miley’s parents and Disney once again find themselves playing defence – who to blame this time? Last go round it was Annie Leibovitz and Vanity Fair, accusing them of taking advantage of a young girl who didn’t know better.

But this time, it’s Miley’s camera, Miley’s inbox. So what’s the spin now? How do they protect their commodity while depriving it from the experiences every teen is curious about and entitled to?

And still, every weekend at the mall, they come in droves: moms and dads lining up at the “talent agent booth” hoping their precious darling will become the “next”. Pimping is now an honourable profession?

Click here for more Miley pics.

Monday, July 14, 2008 at 5:47 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Sex_and_drink_blind_item.aspx

When do the drugs kick in?

Not that you need me to tell you that she’s not so innocent but this is the sh-t that goes on behind the glossy glitter, the packaging, and a billion dollar brand that must, at all costs, be protected.

There was a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago. She was actually bragging about it, because of course she desperately wants people to know that she’s having sex. There was a serious sit-down, a discussion about the ramifications of her actions, and a promise from her handlers that she’d be controlled with an agreement that control also comes with a “get rid of the problem” policy that the Lord probably wouldn’t approve of.

Turns out she wasn’t pregnant. But she is drinking. And boastful about it too. Once again, it’s the yapping that keeps getting her in trouble.

At a shoot recently, she didn’t realise her mic was on. They all get caught with their mic on, don’t they? What came out of her mouth?

Oh, only a lot of talk about her experience with “getting f-cked”, like proudly, and more boasting about her flavour for “dirty martinis”, apparently her drink of choice. Great lessons from mommy and daddy.

Monday, November 02, 2009 at 7:06 AM

Update (11/05/09):
clue 1
clue 2
denial 1: Taylor Swift
denial 2: Ali Lohan
reveal
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"Bro Massage" clue

http://www.laineygossip.com/August_28_2009__Smutty_ShoutOuts.aspx

Happy Birthday Julie V! Am told you are the “seed from which a massive gossip tree grew” amongst your friends and family. Thank you! My gift of appreciation to you is this: Bro Massage is a funny person who hangs out with funny people but his pleasure partner was not in the movie…this time.

Friday, August 28, 2009 at 7:08 AM
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"Smack no kids" reveal #3

http://www.laineygossip.com/Eric_Dane_Rebecca_Gayheart_not_a_sex_tape_.aspx

They say they want kids

But they have No Kids.

This is a good thing.

That was also an obvious reveal. But you shouldn’t have needed it, right?

So about that Eric Dane/Rebecca Gayheart “not a sex tape” – sorry I haven’t had a chance to get to it ‘til now.

If you’ve not heard about the situation click here for more.

In short, a few years ago, McSteamy and his wife Rebecca were hanging out with some former beauty queen turned Hollywood madame (alleged). They did some drugs, they took their clothes off, and they turned on the video camera.

Surprise!

The clip leaked online.

A photo of Rebecca with a crack pipe was recently also published in a tabloid, I think the National Enquirer?

Anyway, his lawyer subsequently released a statement:

"This is simply a private, consensual moment involving a married couple, shot several years ago, which was never intended to be seen by the public. Although the participants are nude, the tape is not a 'sex tape.' It is a private tape made for only my clients' personal use, and nobody has the right to exploit it. If anyone exploits the tape, they will be violating my clients' rights and will be exposed to significant liability."

Curious the language, non?

Like they had to go out of their way to insist that there was no sex?

Why?

Some say it’s a behaviour clause in his contract…?

He works for the MiniVan Majority’s favourite show under a Disney umbrella, he’s covering his ass in the event of a corporate smackdown? Right now it’s just a theory.

And of course for public opinion.

Because as you know before these scandals broke the two were trying to sell us on the wholesomeness of their relationship. Last year Eric told Ellen Degeneres that they were working on starting a family.

Totally.

Of course.

Rebecca with her track record and her various nefarious activities and friends would be the perfect parent, right?

Please.

As soon as she gets pregnant and starts mooning about motherhood and the beauty of life, forgiveness and “forgetness” will come quickly.

Motherhood is the great whitewash.

A bitch gets knocked up and suddenly she’s part of the sisterhood. Ovaries unite.

Here are Dane and Gayheart arriving at LAX last month.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009 at 4:27 PM
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"Mute Stones & Nude Windows" reveal #3

http://www.laineygossip.com/Ashley_Judd_making_demands_at_Harvard.aspx

So Ashley Judd is studying at Harvard. She’s enrolled in the Mid-Career Master in Public Administration program and isn’t waiting for frosh week to pass before pulling celebrity rank. This time though she’s using the faculty and not her mute stones.

According to Boston.com:

“If you happen to see Ashley Judd wandering the halls at Harvard, approach at your own peril.”

Ashley has requested that her file be sealed – understandable, I guess, but certainly not a luxury every student enjoys. On top of that, police presence has been arranged at all coffee breaks to protect her from randoms coming up to pry. The excuse is that these randoms could eventually turn out to be reporters.

Please!

An email was sent to staff informing them of these procedures offering suggestions about what to do if anyone gets too nosy about the “B List actress”. Heh.

No but seriously…

The purpose of university is to learn in community, non?

Oh I know. I know she has such a pretty smile and those warm cheeks and even a dimple or two and it’s so hard to believe someone who looks so nice really isn’t nice inside. Sigh. Haven’t we learned from Reese Witherspoon’s bitchface?

Thanks M!

Thursday, August 13, 2009 at 8:25 AM
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"Mute Stones & Nude Windows" revealed again

http://www.laineygossip.com/Smutty_Tingles_06aug09.aspx

Will she share her mood stones at Harvard? (Just Jared)

Thursday, August 06, 2009 at 11:01 AM
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"Rough patch, happy ending" clue 2

http://www.laineygossip.com/Gwyneth_Paltrow_GOOP_on_lasting_relationships.aspx

GOOPy on marriage


3 in a row!

No recipes!

Instead, this week’s GOOP is about relationships. Her opening paragraph is short and promising. And then it gets all clinical and a little zen lotus tree huggy, posing this question to the experts:

“What does it take to sustain a happy and successful relationship or marriage?”

Gwyneth writes that “a long-term relationship between two people is an ever evolving organism. Some stay the course, some fall, all stumble.”

Rumour has it her stumbles have been recent. But that she’s been able to move past the betrayals in service of keeping the picture pretty. Needless to say, G doesn’t offer any personal insight, nor does she tell us what really happened between Madge and Guy.

Is there a secret to a happy and successful marriage?

According to Jada Pinkett Smith, it’s lots of sex. And sex in a limo on the way to the Oscars. With each other??? There are doubters…

As for Gwyneth and Chris, even though it looked shaky 6 months ago, with tabloids reports calling for a split, right now by all accounts they are more solid than ever. It’s what you can bear. Girls like Gwyneth were born to bear in exchange.

Click here
for GOOP on marriage.

Thursday, July 16, 2009 at 12:05 PM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Gwyneth_Paltrow_trying_to_save_marriage_and_perky_breasts.aspx

Page Six is suggesting today that Gwyneth Paltrow got a boob job. Something about her flashing a nipple in her movie Two Lovers with Joaquin Phoenix and her breast looking like that of a 15 year old. It’s an assertion based solely on observation, they claim.

Sigh.

They don’t know my G. My G has always had small bubbies. And now that she’s working out like an obsessed fiend trying to block out the misery of a miserable marriage, they’ve just reverted to tiny size. It’s hard to sag when there’s nothing to sag.

More interesting are the reports this week in the NY Daily News that she and Chris Martin are trying desperately to save their relationship by shutting themselves away at home and rekindling the flame. If you’ve been reading my blog long enough you’ll know already about the rumours that have been raging in London for ages – that he was stepping out, allegedly with some lawyer, a civilian, and that theirs has been a fractured (and irreparable?) union since after the birth of Moses.

It would explain a lot. It would explain her pathetic GOOP. The gays are obsessed with it. Deano, my heartbreakingly beautiful, SOOOO beautiful, young gay friend who looks forward to every Thursday, opening up his inbox and seeing her sad attempt at Martha waiting for him to ridicule.

It’s embarrassing this GOOPy endeavour. It’s so not Gwyneth. It’s so obsequious. It’s so common. Frankly it’s so disappointing. My Gwynnie should never have to try so hard. Like she might even want to be your friend. Or worse still… my friend! Ew! It’s breaking my heart every day, to say nothing of aligning herself to that fitness lady with the shady past. Ugh.

I want my Gwyneth back.

Friday, December 12, 2008 at 8:49 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_03aug09.aspx

PS. Rough Patch, Happy Ending is not about Sean Penn, Robin Wright, and Natalie Portman.

Monday, August 03, 2009
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Rough patch, happy ending

http://www.laineygossip.com/Rough_patch_happy_ending_blind_item.aspx

He’d strayed before with a civilian but she can handle a civilian. Their most recent rough patch however was a result of his affair with a gorgeous one hit wonder. Professional and personal lines all tangled up, especially since there was already some history between the two, and it was a humiliation that pushed the marriage to the brink.

They took some time away from each other and re-evaluated and while it comes as no shock that she was willing to preserve the white picket fence his decision to end it with his paramour did surprise some who thought he was done with that life.

In the end, there is still a lot of love there. And they are doing what they think is best for the kids too.

All’s well now. For now.

3 famous people involved.

Friday, July 31, 2009 at 12:23 PM

Update (3/03/10):
denial 1: Sean Penn, Robin Wright Penn & Natalie Portman

clue 1
clue 2
reveal 1

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"Two girls, one limo," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_29jul09.aspx

PS. Nicole Richie was not in the limo.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009
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"Chocolate" reveal 2

http://www.laineygossip.com/George_Clooney_takes_new_girlfriend_Elisabetta_Canalis_on_a_ride_in_Milan.aspx

It’s been widely blogged today – George Clooney’s summer fling is an Italian babe called Elisabetta Canalis. She has a hot body, is olive-skinned and oozes sex, and was spotted on his ride yesterday in Milan.

I was about to write that she was behind him on his ride, which got me to thinking that he likes it from behind, and then up popped that visual about him from behind and the necktie… do you know that story?

A couple of years ago, Holy Moly published a blind item – click here for a refresher - about George’s kinky proclivities, specifically citing an evening he allegedly shared with a woman during which (STOP reading now if you’re a prude) he insisted that he wanted it in her ass, and so she obliged but turned around mid-session after hearing gagging sounds only to find him still nailing her, supposedly with his tie wrapped around his neck pulled just taut enough to cause discomfort but not danger and he was totally getting off on it.

It was widely acknowledged in London to be him because the woman in question – a C list tv presenter at the time – literally told everyone.

Wonder if he still likes it like that and if Elisabetta obliges. This was my train of thought.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 at 3:21 PM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_28jul09.aspx

PS. Bro Massage is not Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009
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"Two girls, one limo," it's not...

http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_24jul09.aspx

Two girls in a limo is not Denise Richards and Pamela Anderson.

Friday, July 24, 2009
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"Commitment Crisis?" revealed yet again

http://www.laineygossip.com/Faith_Hill_and_Tim_McGraw_with_their_kids_in_LA_at_a_pet_store.aspx

A rare candid sighting of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill with their kids in LA shopping yesterday looking at puppies at a pet store.

No!

I don’t want to cast aspersions on this particular pet store but pet owners know about pet stores, and it's not recommended usually to get pets at a pet store, especially dogs, because of puppy mills and shady breeding practices. This is a good time I think to talk about my Marcus as I’ve received many messages recently asking for more photos.

Jacek and I, whenever we’re away from each other, have an ongoing email chain called “Your Boy Right Now” dedicated to updates on Marcus’s f-ckery.

Marcus went to the beach yesterday and was digging obsessively. I received this photo at 6pm. Miss them.

As for Tim and Faith – this is the best I’ve seen Tim wear his jeans. Hot, right? He looks very healthy. And serene. Hopefully the things that were making him grumpy – like what happened at the ACMAs – have been eliminated?

Faith’s legs look great in those shorts.

But please don’t buy a puppy from a pet store.

Thursday, July 23, 2009 at 9:48 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_23jul09.aspx

PS. Heather Graham was not one of the two girls in the limo.

Thursday, July 23, 2009
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"Two girls, one limo" guess 3

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sienna_Miller_Elton_John_Sean_Diddy_Combs_Sienna_at_Sundance.aspx

Sienna at Sundance


In town to promote the upcoming Interview, constantly attended by Harvey Weinstein who, of course, is here for purchasing purposes (already scooped up John Cusack’s Grace is Good) in addition to making sure his Golden Girl is on her best behaviour, and for the most part, she’s been keeping her ass clean…if not her nose, not that I would know anything about that.

Friday night, at the afterparty for An American Crime, starring Katherine Keener (very well preserved, lovely woman, not to lovely pitbull of a publicist), Canadian Ellen Page (quickly establishing a reputation as one of the most gifted actresses of her generation) and James Franco, Sienna sat in a corner and sulked for the better part of the evening, staring down several attractive women – a blonde television reporter in particular. Literally, she couldn’t take her eyes off of her. Intense glares, so noticeable that a few people actually remarked to the subject of her scrutiny that “Sienna wants to BE you”.

Other than that however, Sienna was rather upbeat all weekend, cruising down Main Street, hitting the swag suites, smiling for cameras. Here she is at the Interview premiere looking fresh and fetching with her closed mouth pout to cover those teeth, trademark crossed leg pose, wrapped in the most beautiful grey coat. Must have it.

Saw her again at the MySpace/Tao event and I have to tell you, as you know I’m not her biggest fan, but Sienna Miller – very, very pretty face. Small and delicate with the most beguiling eyes, her arrival caused the biggest stir, even louder than Diddy’s, and tiny…SO tiny, definitely NOT 5 ft 6 as listed. If anything, she is my height and I know this because I was next to her at one point, wearing flat boots with absolutely no heel and we were eye to eye. For the record, I am 5 ft 3 and ¾ on a tall day.

Still…as I said, Sienna has a lovely face. Haunting and deceptively innocent but not staggeringly beautiful either – the kind of face that breaks your heart and having now seen her, I have to admit…she does have a certain “it”. Just too bad she’s f&cked in the head.

As for Josh Hartnett – he’s here, they were together Sunday, chaperoned at times by Harvey, rumour is they went home together Sunday night.

Will keep you posted…

Monday, January 22, 2007

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sienna_Miller_Sienna_Miller_Attentionwhore_at_Burger_King.aspx


Sienna Miller: Attention-whore at Burger King


Saw her almost every day at Sundance…weird.

So anyway, we’re leaving, we go through security at Salt Lake Airport, we decide to skip the classy sit-down restaurant and giv’er on some grease at the food court – perfect, there’s a Burger King.

Am with my producer Laura from eTalk and our camera visionary Donovan, we order, we grab a table close to the counter, right by the soda foundations, I’m chowing down on an enormous Double Whopper (flamebroiled HEAVEN), and in walks Sienna Miller with her mother in tow.

Dressed in a white beater tank, hair pulled back, faded grey/black jeans tucked into black suede boots with furry trim, and her face – remember Golden Globe night? When so many of you remarked on the shine and the oil? That’s what she looked like – definitely a far cry from when I saw her on Saturday at her best.

Anyway, they unload at the table closest to us, directly across from Burger King, we are now between her and soda foundations. Her mother gets up to order, she fidgets in her chair, and gets up to tell the clerk that she wants one of those paper Burger King hats – you know the ones? They’re gold, in the shape of a crown, usually passed out to little kids at a birthday party?

Yep – that’s what Sienna asked for, that’s what she put on her head. And her mother too.

So they’re waiting for their food, sitting across from each other, both pull out their cell phones and start yammering away. Mom was discreet, Sienna was loud as f*ck. A pack-a-day voice and every other word is “f&cking”…not because she’s cussin’ someone out, apparently it’s just the way she talks.

“I f*cking emailed you. I really f&cking did. I wanted to know about the f&cking photos (foe-toes)”…and the best part is she can’t stay put when she’s chatty, she has to walk around. So she’s pacing back and forth, between her table and the soda fountain, directly behind us, dragging her feet so that her boots were scraping against the tile (as Donovan noted, she walks like a teenager), yapping incessantly, and at one point she sees Donovan’s video camera, which isn’t hard to miss. It’s one of those over the shoulder ones used for television, he had it in plain view by his feet, and before you ask – it was turned OFF and he made absolutely no motion to use it either. I’m telling you…we weren’t gawking, we didn’t turn around to study her, she was just hard to miss, and when she realised that we were part of a tv crew, she actually became HARDER to miss.

Now remember, this is one of the most photographed women in the world who has had a few run-ins herself with the pappies and has also, on occasion, “complained” about the press intrusion in to her life. Even though we didn’t make a move towards her, even though we kept to ourselves and our burgers, even though no one else at Burger King had recognised her either, even though everyone else went about their business leaving her alone, Sienna goes back to her table and decides to PUT ON HER SUNGLASSES. Because that’s how you blend in to the background, right?

Still…when she did this, we figured it was because she saw the camera and became wary. Fair enough. We made a point of not looking at her, we started chatting about work, and amazingly enough, wouldn’t you know it, the bitch gets up from her chair AGAIN, still yapping at the top of her lungs on her cell phone, and shuffles past us AGAIN over to the soda foundation without pouring any soda.

One lap, two laps, three laps…THREE TIMES she paced by our table, three times for no other reason than to pace, without getting napkins, without getting condiments, Sienna just had to talk on her cell phone full volume, “f*cking this, f&cking that” with us as her audience, to the point where we started laughing incredulously and eventually Laura, my producer, was like – is she serious? No…is she serious? Does she want us to turn the camera on? Is she begging us to turn the camera on?

And then her food came. So she sat down and ate and every few seconds she’d whip her head around and look at us and we’d feel her eyes on us and we’d try not to giggle – the way you tried not to giggle in the cafeteria as teenagers when Mr Burton, the biology teacher, shuffled by and made a lame joke? That’s how we were giggling.

And THAT is Sienna Miller. The loser you’re at once amused by and embarrassed for, desperate for attention, narcissist to the max, extra-obnoxious with all the toppings, and of course we wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. The camera stayed idle, my cell phone stayed put, and then off she went, making a big production of getting their gear together, her mother asking someone else at another table for the time – you’ll note they had their cell phones with them, both of them, and every cell phone has a clock!!! – before stomping off, Sienna continuing to blabber away so that I could hear her half way across the room, dragging her feet all the way to the escalator.

And we just looked at each other: did that really happen? Is Sienna Miller that pathetic???

Answer:

Yes.

Sienna in this month’s Nylon Magazine.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sienna_Miller_Sapphic_Sienna.aspx


Sapphic Sienna


Well well… isn’t this a shocker. Sienna Miller looking bombed out of her tree groping someone else’s girls. Looks like some innocent fun, non?

Because Sienna would NEVER make out with a chick. Or a random dude. Or get shitfaced and lose control. No no. Sienna wouldn’t go there. Sienna is STABLE, you see?

She’s much, much, much too stable and sensible too! She’s sensible and she’s stable and she’s smart and she totally has her head on straight and she also never said that drugs were “f*ckloads of fun", right?

Right.

Monday, March 26, 2007
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Keira_Knightley__Sienna_Miller__Tights_and_Boots_and_BFFs.aspx

Tights and Boots and BFFs


Lindsay Lohan not welcome!!!

Keira Knightley and Sienna Miller in London the other night, tightly bonded after working together over the last few weeks on The Edge of Love, formerly the Best Time of Our Lives about Dylan Thomas and his women. Rather than letting professional rivalry get in the way, the two appear to have found in one another a kindred spirit – friends who understand the business but who are also, at heart, two girls with girl problems and girl hang-ups.

Rumour has it Sienna hasn’t had many positive girl relationships, that she is only recently experiencing it for the first time, that she is happier now than she’s been in a while.

A real friend...Lindsay Lohan needs one of those.

PS. That other dude is a co-star, NOT a new boyfriend. Jamie and Sienna still on.

Friday, June 01, 2007 at 12:00 AM

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sienna_Miller_and_Keira_Knightley_act_like_besties_to_promote_the_Edge_of_Love.aspx


My New Favourite Besties


Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley are currently promoting The Edge of Love – this is an interview recently during which they went head to head on trivia related to each other. It is SUPER cute. And it also feels authentic. It feels like they way you’d be with your bestie. All the giggling, the competition, the mutual support, the cheating…and especially Keira. I love that she was so immediate about her answers. Sienna’s like the littler one – the troublemaker, the flake, the one who can never stop sh*t from coming out of her mouth. As usual.

Probably the most likable they’ve both been in a long time. This is the kind of thing I’d watch more often.

Click here to view.

Attached – Sienna and Keira in Scotland for the photo call yesterday. The size of Keira’s waist is indeed alarming. But we’re not allowed to say she has an eating disorder anymore, remember? She insists she doesn’t have one!

Thursday, June 19, 2008 at 7:30 AM

http://www.laineygossip.com/Sienna_Miller_and_Keira_Knightley_hand_in_hand_at_the_British_Independent_Film_Awards_in_London_.aspx


Sienna still has a friend


Thanks to her affair with Balthazar Getty, Sienna has become persona non grata in Los Angeles as Rosetta Getty’s powerful female network quickly mobilised against the other woman.

At home in London though, Sienna still has friends. And she still has a friend in Keira Knightley. Here they are arriving hand in hand and bone to bone yesterday at the British Independent Film Awards in London.
Maybe spending more time with girls, the right girls, will set that crazy bitch straight. Sienna makes really bad boy decisions over and over and over again.

They looked great together last night. LOVE both dresses. Love that they’re so well coordinated they pout at the same time and laugh at the same time. Love, love, love the shot of Keira from the side, a great shot of the razor blades in her mouth.

Monday, December 01, 2008 at 6:44 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Keira_Knightley_Tom_Cruise_Keira_Knightley_a_protesting_jaw_.aspx

Keira Knightley: a protesting jaw?


Uhhhh… NOT sweet.

And yes, I get it that celebrities can’t always looked glammed up the ass every day. But that jaw? That jaw scares me. That is what I call a Bulimic Jaw – my girlfriend Beth, a doctor, can attest to that kind of jaw: jutting out at the corners as a result of too much heaving…though of course, let’s clarify in light of her lawsuit that the mere suggestion of an eating disorder on her part is absolutely absurd right???

After all, those photos of her on the beach a couple of weeks ago, cut abs, not an ounce of fat – those photos are simply the result of working out, eating well, and TOTALLY NOT torturing her own body, right? How could anyone even suggest such a thing???

But that’s exactly what a British rag did at the time, which has resulted in her suing for damages, because NO ONE, NO ONE other than the editors of said publication would, in their right mind, be so Cruise to assume that she’s anorexic, right???

Here’s Keira, in London with her equally overnourished boyfriend, cutting a fine line with their cheekbones, their hippy chic, and of course their love of food. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a healthier couple.

Thursday, January 25, 2007


http://www.laineygossip.com/Keira_Knightley_at_The_Edge_of_Love_premiere_afterparty_in_London.aspx


What problem? There is no problem!


This is Keira Knightley yesterday in London at The Edge of Love afterparty in a gorgeous purple dress looking as healthy as ever. At least in her mind. Remember – she doesn’t have a problem, she’s never had a problem, and you’re not allowed to say she has a problem. Because there is no problem.

Keira according to Keira takes care of herself properly. And if you don’t believe her you’re just a mean gossipy asshole. Yeah, that would be me.

As for her famous pursed lips - a few readers have emailed to defend Keira’s morose mug. You say that the contrived depression is simply a smokescreen for her razorblade teeth. This is maybe the most amazing theory, like, ever.

So Keira knows her smile is scary (surely you’ve seen the underbite, bulimic jaw, crazy incisor combination, right?) and therefore never bares her teeth, resulting in the pouty pissy face we’ve come to know and love.

Makes sense to me.

Does she think of prunes too?

Friday, June 20, 2008 at 5:58 AM


http://www.laineygossip.com/Olga_Kurylenko_and_Keira_Knightley_with_Karl_Lagerfeld_at_Chanel_Paris_Fashion_Week_Fall_09.aspx


My Olga Kurylenko is in Paris for Fashion Week – at Chanel today and look! Blessed by the Karl himself! Karl seems to be quite pleased by this new Bond girl. But of course not quite as taken as he is by Keira Knightley who is very thin and doesn’t do anything disgusting … like eat food.

Keira was on hand today to support Karl Lagerfeld too. Of course. She is the face of Coco Mademoiselle. That’s a very thick fringe. You like? I think I do. It balances out her bulimic jaw.

Oh hush.

Keira doesn’t vomit!

She’s naturally thin!

And my mother dresses like Jacqueline Kennedy.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 2:43 PM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/Two_girls_one_limo_blind_item.aspx

Both former “It” girls, both around the same age, both with body issues, both experts at denial, both f-cked up, and they found themselves together one night in a limo, not alone, accompanied by assistants and business agents and other Hollywood hangers-on, and of course cranked up on something, and touching led to feeling led to stroking, led to …

The slightly more famous of the two on her knees, head between the legs of the other, totally givin’er, as the others sat by awkwardly, and the recipient with her head thrown back totally enjoying it even though, in showbiz, to receive doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a preference. To give however… well… suffice to say, the pleasure dispenser has very much established herself.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at 6:30 AM

Update (6/10/12):
guess 1
guess 2
guess 3
denial 1: Heather Graham
denial 2: Denise Richards & Pamela Anderson
denial 3: Nicole Ritchie
reveal

 
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"She trumps Life or Death" reveal 2

http://www.laineygossip.com/Beyonce_at_the_BET_Awards_pays_tribute_to_Michael_Jackson.aspx

Beyonce at the BET Awards last night wearing the best dress of the night no doubt. It’s exquisite. And she looks exquisite in it. Great hair, cute accessories…everything but the shoes. Cheap and gimmicky shoes, non? Tina must have told her to.

B’s husband Jay-Z was there too. No idea if they arrived in a Maybach together or tried to push ambulances out of the way while paramedics were tending to an elderly lady suffering from a heart attack. Not likely though. Because everyone there last night was famous. And everyone was paying respect to Michael Jackson. Needless to say, she kept her hunger bitch in check.

After the show though, if you were a civilian, I hope you looked the f-ck out. Don’t be getting in the way of Beyonce and her favourite restaurant.

Monday, June 29, 2009 at 6:56 AM
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"She trumps Life or Death" reveal

https://twitter.com/LaineyGossip/status/2326580875
Beyonce rides in a Maybach
Thursday, June 25, 2009
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http://www.laineygossip.com/June_25_2009__Smutty_ShoutOuts.aspx

To Luke who used the open bar to distract from the heat at the Smut Soiree and, naturally, forgot all about it – Bro Massage is NOT the Wayans brothers but I’ll promote your contest anyway! Free trip to PEI? Click here to win http://share.tourismpei.com/!

Thursday, June 25, 2009 at 6:32 AM
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http://www.laineygossip.com/intro_25jun09.aspx

PS. Bro Massage is not Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider. Also doesn’t involve Will Ferrell. At all.

Thursday, June 25, 2009
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